Evidence that wearing earrings is an ancient and honorable pursuit can be found as far back as the Bible, which, for those of you unfamiliar with it, is a stellar piece of fantasy in the same league as Harry Potter or Hobbits, and as a guide to morality to be taken as seriously as either of them.
Despite its shortcomings, it has some interesting historical anecdotes. Most noticeably this – if things had been just a little different, we could all be worshiping a giant earring!
1And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.2And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me.
3And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron.
4And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
Exodus 32:1-4 (KJV)
So there you have it ladies and gentleman; earrings maketh the good god. If only Moses had stayed up the mountain…
I wonder what it tastes like in a bun?
Images: Nicola Poussin’s The Adoration of the Golden Calf
What I love most about this story, and one of the reasons I am so unprepared to tolerate any of this religious nonsense, is the fact that these people had all personally witnessed the presence and the intervention of their god (this is after the plagues, the escape from Eygpt, the wandering in the desert remember) and yet despite this they STILL don’t believe!
As soon as Moses buggers off they decide to cast off their god and find a new one (and what better than a god made out of earrings!). If they have so little faith, well, thanks very much I’m going to stick to the scientific method.
